


i was a stranger in my own skin;

by assasymphcnie



Category: Mass Effect Trilogy, Mass Effect: Andromeda
Genre: Bad Parenting, Dysfunctional Family, Family Issues, Gen, Pre-Andromeda
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-09
Updated: 2017-09-09
Packaged: 2018-12-22 22:01:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,127
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11975913
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/assasymphcnie/pseuds/assasymphcnie
Summary: “This is not fair!”Hyosung’s voice is loud, her words are dripping with anger, her dark eyes are ablaze.Alec can see her small frame shaking slightly but doesn’t really care, too caught up in keeping his tone civil. Ever the proper one, even when his daughter seems ready to hit him in the face right there, in the middle of the crew deck. Ever the proper one, when other people are watching.“Keep your voice down and don’t make me repeat myself again, cadet.”





	i was a stranger in my own skin;

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is way too ocs-coded to be here but I needed a place where to put it for easier reading.  
> I don't really expect someone to enjoy it considering english is not my first language, I didn't write in ages and my ocs are a disaster but I had fun writing it either way ♥  
> Some considerations before we start:  
>  **a** ) I researched the timeline thoroughly and then proceed to lose the file where I put all my calculations so ages may be a little off. Just know that this is set before Andromeda but after Ellen's death. SAM is still a secret.  
>  **b)** My twins have korean names 'cause I hc their mother to have korean roots back on Earth. On the other hand I didn't change Alec's name 'cause I followed the canon story since the very beginning for him.  
>  **c)** I used to write a lot when I was younger and I did so in italian. Consequentially my style is heavily based on the italian language's structure and it's always pretty difficult for me to adapt that to other languages. I'm sorry if some sentences feels off but that's probably why. ~♥

**“This is not fair!”**

  
Hyosung’s voice is loud, her words are dripping with anger, her dark eyes are ablaze.  
Alec can see her small frame shaking slightly but doesn’t really care, too caught up in keeping his tone civil. Ever the proper one, even when his daughter seems ready to hit him in the face right there, in the middle of the crew deck. Ever the proper one, when other people are watching.

  
**“Keep your voice down and don’t make me repeat myself again, cadet.”**

  
It’s the wrong thing to say and he knows it; he always does. After all, what’s their relationship if not bad timing, bitter remarks and a secret hidden longing for better, simpler times that are never coming back?  
  
Hyosung snaps her head up to look at him and he almost spots something in her eyes. Something he hasn’t seen in a very long time. There’s a vulnerability in how she frowns her eyebrows, confusion taking over her traits; all her 17 years showing clearly on her face while she parts her lips as if to speak before closing them again, teeth sharp against the flesh.  
  
It lasts a few seconds -maybe more- then her face hardens again, a shadow obscuring her gaze as she smashes an accusatory finger against the plates of his armor.

  
**“I’m not a cadet! I’m your daughter!”**  
  
She’s seething with pure fury now, her shouting made more than one head turn in their direction. Alec gets a glimpse of an engineering team whispering something about them being “ _at it_ ” again. He clenches his jaw. Hard. He’s having none of that, not today, not ever.

**“Enough!”**

  
He’s not considering being gentle when he grasps the girl’s wrist. To be fair, he can’t even remember the last time they shared a touch that wasn’t dictated by anger or shallow necessity.  
Hyosung struggles as he drags her towards his cabin at the end of the corridor, twists her arm painfully in a futile attempt to get free.  
  
_She’s getting stronger._  
  
A fleeting thought. Almost voiced, in an almost proud tone, in an almost soft way. Almost.  
The word is starting to sound more and more like a curse as years fly by and missed chances keep piling up at his feet.  
  
The moment is gone but not the strangled sounds Hyosung makes between grinding teeth.  
She’s still too small, too erratic in her movements, too emotional to properly coordinate her actions; he gives her another yank and she yelps softly, following him in forced silence.  
  
He barely hears the low hiss of the sliding doors over his labored breathing, SAM greets him as he stomps into the room but he doesn’t acknowledge it. It’s still all in his head, after all, still a secret to keep hidden from everyone, the Council, the Alliance, the Andromeda administration and from his children.  Especially from his children.  
  
He turns back to look at Hyosung. He stares at the long black hair framing her fuming face, her clenched jaw.  
She needs to cut it, it could prove to be a fatal liability into battle.  
  
_She looks so much like …_

  
No. He straightens his spine with a quick shake of the head.  
No distractions, no turning back.  
  
**“Hey little pyjak, back so soon? I thought you were—dad?”**  
  
Another voice fills the air, releasing the tension for a long, blissful moment.  
  
Alec watches his _daughter_ changing three different expressions as they both lift their heads to follow the sound. She goes from furious, to surprised, to regretful; it’s almost like she’s sorry she’s been caught making such a fuss for once but Alec is not delusional.  
  
He can tell there’s something else she’s worried about as she steps forward, away from him and towards the figure standing next his dimly lit desk.  
  
**“ Hyojin.”**  
  
Her voice is soft, just above a whisper and he can see the look her brother -his _son_ \- shoots her, quick but concerned, his hands finding their way to hers and unknowingly stroking the same wrist he most likely bruised just a few minutes ago.  
  
All of a sudden Alec feels uneasy. It’s the same feeling he gets whenever his children are silently talking to each other in that mysterious, eerie way only twins know. He doesn’t like it, it reminds him of how rarely he actually spoke to them in the past 5 years, how little he truly knows his own kids.  
  
He takes a step ahead, his boots heavy on the metal floor; Hyojin’s figure tenses, he lets go of his sister’s wrist and falls into his usual military stance: straight spine, firm shoulders, chin up and hands folded behind the back. His eyes are distant, unfocused but Alec doesn’t notice.  
  
He’s pleased. His son has always been the perfect soldier, never once talking back or questioning his orders unlike _someone else._ They don’t talk much about things that aren’t training related but it still feels like Hyojin is taking his role seriously, with a kind of discipline Hyosung clearly lacks.  
  
His eyes slide to the right where his daughter stands, her arms crossed on her chest looking defensive not only of herself but of her brother too.  If he was a different man Alec would laugh at the thought.  
  
**“I was just telling your sister that starting tomorrow you’ll be joining me in a special intensive training session, you have to prepare for what is yet to come. You’ll wake up at 0530 and go to bed when I say so.”**  
  
His head gestures towards the desk, where a handful of papers are lying around, scattered across the surface together with a datapad, an astrolabe and what it seems like a chart of the Milky Way’s constellations. Alec’s voice becomes stern as he turns his back on the twins.  
  
**“No distractions allowed.”**  
  
Hyojin’s soft **“Yes, sir”** is immediately drown by Hyosung’s scoff of disconcert.  
  
**“You’re unbelievable! Do you really think you can waltz in here and boss us around like you actually know us?! Like we know _you_?! We’ve barely ever saw you since mom died.”**  
  
Alec can pretty much feel Hyojin flinching at that but still refuses to face them again, knowing perfectly what he’d see. His daughter, cheeks flushed with pain and frustration, speaking the truth.  
  
**“No, do you know what?”** her voice is high pitched. The words fall out her mouth in rapid motions, each one of them a painful jab to his chest.  
  
**“Even before then you’ve basically been a stranger, always away on N7 missions, always tinkering in that lab of yours about Goodness knows what”**  
  
She’s been spending too much time with those asari friends of hers even though Alec knows she’d probably be seconds away from showering him in krogan insults given the chance.  
  
For the hundredth time that day, he wonders how they got here, when it all started. He can remember a time when their interactions didn’t taste like vitriol, he can almost feel the comforting weight of two identic bundle of gibberish and baby laughter in his arms again but it’s all blurry now, like it’s not even his life he’s looking at anymore.  
  
He’s starting to tire of this whole situation, it should have been something quick, simple.  Provide the orders and they’ll be carried out as always, easy.  
But Hyosung is never easy, she is relentless in fact. He can hear her pacing around the cabin, heavy footsteps on the metal floor.  
  
**“You ignored all my requests of transfer to go study Public Relationships on Illium,”** she says, her voice too young to sound this bitter **. “You keep pretending Jin’s interest in astronomy and cartography is just a phase just because it wouldn’t fit this ridiculous distorted idea of him as the perfect soldier”**  
  
Alec turns awfully quick at that, just in time to see his son taking her by the hand once again, more firmly this time. **“Hyosung stop, _please_ ” **he whispers **,** quick and with a tight throat, like he’s trying not to give away his real emotional state with their father there.  
  
Identical pairs of eyes are still locked and burning vividly when he clears his throat. His left hand gripping his wrist, hard and unforgiving, not trusting himself not to grab his daughter by her shoulders this time. Shaking her until she finally understands. Until she finally sees.  
  
He looks at them with steel behind grey irises. Their faces are so similar yet so different under the white buzzing lights of his cabin. Hyosung’s traits are still distorted with rage but her eyes are sad now, her stance is beginning to falter under the pressure of hurt and fatigue. Hyojin stands next to her, tall and unmovable, his face apparently blank and distant to anyone who didn’t know better. There is a tremor in his fingers though, slight and almost unnoticeable but it still speaks plenty. It whispers of fear, anxiety and a sense of unworthiness Alec will never truly know completely. A devious giveaway out of his son’s real thoughts.  
  
It strikes him for a second. Just how young his children look right now. Just how young they really are.  
Holding on tight to each other trying not to fall, like it’s something they’ve been doing all their lives.  
_And they did._ A voice in his head says, matter of factly. _You weren’t there and all they had was each other._  
It’s in that moment that Alec stops lying to himself completely. Only then, he accepts the fact Hyosung was right. They’re nothing but strangers to each other and it almost scares him the way his heart should bleed at this realization but it doesn’t. It just doesn’t’. They are his children and his subordinates and he doesn’t know them. Not anymore. There’s nothing left to give, nothing left to take. __  
  
_The silence stretches_  on, broken eventually by his voice as it reverberates all over the place, rasp and low.  
  
**“I will see you both tomorrow. I have more important things to do to than arguing senselessly with you”**  
  
His words carry an unmistakable sense of finality and they get no answer.  
Alec turns his back one last time and with that he strides out of the room and away from them.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
A few minutes pass but they feel like hours.  
Hyojin is the first to stir away from the frozen reverie their father forced them into. His movements are brisk as he approaches the desk, looking for something with trembling hands. Hyosung just stands there for a while, feeling mollified and tired, oh so tired. Her bones are cracking and her heart is heavy.

It’s all wrong. The way they’re living their lives. If that can be called living at all. As days goes by she feels like surviving may be a more appropriate word considering the way things are right now.  
  
She still doesn’t speak when her brother hands her a paper, obviously the thing he was looking for earlier.  
It’s stained with ink, something she hasn’t seen in a very long time and even then it was mostly behind museums’ cases back on Earth.  
  
**“It’s a starmap”.** She realizes, following the black and blue lines chasing each other on the light surface.  
  
Hyojin smiles at her, like he did when she first arrived. Before that whole mess started. **“It’s a constellations map, see?”.** His fingers land next to hers, tapping the paper excitedly. **“One of the ancient one, I recreated it from scratch following one of mom’s favorite books about Greek mythology”**  
  
Hyosung is smiling with him now, memories of her mother’s stories about gods and heroes filling her head, washing away the bitterness. **“She was always devoted to both legends and scientific facts”** she says softly.  
  
She feels her brother’s hand brushing hers in a comforting touch. **“That she was. And look”**  
He gently drags her index to the top corner of the map. There stands a constellation, its name written clearly in Hyojin’s elegant calligraphy, easy for her to read: _Gemini_.  
  
**“I found two more stars the ancients forgot to add in there, here next to their arrow”**. He points at two tiny dots carved in blue, so close to each other you could easily mistake them for one single bright star. She reads their names too, out loud this time.

 **“Hyojin and Hyosung”.** She feels her eyes fill with tears without really knowing why. **“You gave our names to the stars”.** Her voice is but a whisper as she takes his hand in crushing hold, the map still secure in the other one.  
**“Happy birthday, big sister”.** She hears him say, his tone just as hushed, his words just as watery.  
She tightens her grip.  
  
**“Happy birthday, little brother. May the stars guide us towards a brighter future”.**


End file.
